Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
