Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
