dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
