this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
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she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
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Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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