Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
