fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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