At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
