He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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