you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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