I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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