How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
