Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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