I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
