im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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