just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
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can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
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I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
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