For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
