Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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