Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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