The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
