Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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