just come out here and I will go home with you...
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
