Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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