i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
