I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
