i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
