That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
