Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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