I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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