I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Randomize
