Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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