you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
