The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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