I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
