she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
