dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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