If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I can text with my tongue
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
