On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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