Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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