ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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