Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
