I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You took a bar mat shot.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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