I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
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I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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