Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
