OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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