How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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