My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
