He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
