Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
