four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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