Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
They have beer where we have blood.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
