Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
