So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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