Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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