you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
