Can Purell be used as lube?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
