Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
