it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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