wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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