I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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