I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
