when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
