Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
