he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
