I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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