Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
